Part - 3: Canto Nuevo.[continued from <<Part - 2]
I do not plead that I did no wrong. I plead that I had serious provocation.
I have attempted only to transport you to those points of vantage that might make you appreciate the particular perspectives that formed the basis of the big picture that I saw. I have made no attempt to analyze for myself whether those points themselves were out of bounds. Perhaps they were. Perhaps it is relative whether they were. I don't know, and am too tired to find out. Perhaps the perspectives were accurate, but I saw the picture through tinted glasses. I shall never know. I am sorry I keep reverting to this argument time and time again, but I hope and pray that someday you will have traveled the years necessary to even begin to condone such a turn of events.
Pleading provocation is not a defense, and that is not the purpose of the plea. To be worthy of forgiveness is all I wish to be.
Forgiveness itself may or may not come later, and I shall accept whatever your verdict might be. I only know that it is terribly important to me that I let you know. For, despite the lack of "future" in knowing you, why do I find it so difficult to simply walk away? I have missed you terribly over the past week. I wish I could figure out why. Initially, I thought I was smarting from the insult of your supreme indifference, your stated judgment about my lack of worth. I have come to realize, that, over time, I will eventually get over that. I may never get over knowing you, so help me God.
I don't say this to soften your attitude towards me. Indeed, as you were at some pains to point out, you are not unhappy at me over an incident; it is who I am that is the cause for your concern… and, shall we say, disdain? Whatever the provocation may be, Ash, I submit to you that the person you knew before we met, and the person I am now, is one and the same. Neither have I changed one bit, nor had your keen perception been so misguided in its initial evaluation. That, at least, is what I would like to believe. I have already acknowledged that I wronged you. I shall not be so crass as to argue to what degree. I have made it clear that I will not expect to be forgiven. I will only aspire to that place in your heart where forgiveness may be considered. I entreat you, Ash, not to equate the wrong with the wrongdoer.
I beg of you, from the bottom of my heart: Give me back that place in your heart that I have, of late, so little deserved.
You have told me, in happier times, that you find it hard to forgive. I make my request, therefore, with much trepidation. If you must turn me down, allow me, at least, this opportunity to let you know that the time I spent with you has been the nicest I have had in a very, very long time. I will always cherish the fond memories I have of you. But I have many regrets as well: I regret that I never gave myself the opportunity to thank you for finding the time, out of your impossible schedule, to cook for me. I regret that I never was able to spend enough time with you, to even begin to appreciate your vast knowledge of music. I regret I never taught you to eat Sushi. I regret that we didn’t shop for blue jeans together. I regret I never saw you in your pink dress. I regret I shall never hand you that long-stemmed rose.
Above all, I regret that you will never find me worthy of quoting Sesher Kobita to you.
Should fate have it that our paths never cross again, stay well, Ash, my Wildflower.
- Neil.
Concluded.
[Author's Note: Wildflower is not to be confused with the Wildflower of posts labelled Saga. The identity-crisis is coincidental.]
[All posts ©opyright of the author. Syndication rights reserved.]
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