Stay Well, Wildlfower: A first-person narrative in three cantos

Part - 1: Canto Fermo.

Santa Clara. June 13, 2004

Ash,

I made a terrible mistake. Some would say I made two, but that is a matter of semantics. For, what does the word mistake mean, anyway? More often than not, it is simply a cover-up for one's inability to admit that one did something wrong. The real meaning of mistake, of course, is either an error of judgment, or an action stemming from an error of judgment, or even, as oftentimes happens: both. Examined in the light this definition, devoid of all euphemism, I made but one mistake. The other was a wrongdoing.

So, to get things straightened out right at the outset: I committed a terrible wrongdoing.

One expects that being able to own up to a wrongdoing ought to be the first step towards redemption. I was half-hoping, therefore, that my uncharacteristically introspective self-revelation would magically lift a cloud, like one that had shed its burden in cathartic rain. But, catharsis, Ash, is not going to be that easy.

I wronged you.

I wish I could argue that right and wrong are, firstly, relative, and secondly, subject to measures of degree. I am tempted to argue both, but I know that I shall neither. If one chooses to deal in relativity and metrics, one must accept that the degree of wrongdoing experienced by the wronged is relative as well, and depends largely on the intensity of the assault on sentiment endured.

I accept that the assault on sentiment you endured was severe.

Why, then, am I muddling through with this long-winded introduction? Is it that I would rather hide behind a curtain of words than face the music? Hardly. For then, you surely would not be reading this. I would, quite candidly, not need to write this at all. So, perish any thought that I shall hide. Be skeptical, by all means, of whether I shall ever give you a satisfactory explanation. For again, is satisfaction not relative? The keyword here, of course, is not satisfactory at all. It is explanation. Why so? Do the events preceding the wrongdoing, or the wrongdoing itself require an explanation? Is an excuse being offered in the guise of an explanation? Would I so insult your intelligence? These are all valid questions.

The only important one, however, is: What purpose will an explanation serve?

[continued to Part - 2>>]

[Author's Note: Wildflower is not to be confused with the Wildflower of posts labelled Saga. The identity-crisis is coincidental.]

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[Image ©opyright Niladri Roy.]