So Shall One Reap

Bob asked me at work today:
- “Hey, what do you think of this guy Adam*? Can one trust him?”

- “No”, was my short answer.

My interrogator looked up surprised.
- “That’s very unlike you”, he said. “You tend to be very fair and balanced in what you say!”

True. Fair and balanced. That’s me. I felt obliged to explain.

- “That’s entirely true, Bob, what you say. And far be it from me to condemn anyone offhand. You asked my opinion, several months ago, when you guys were considering Adam for a transfer into Sales from what he was doing before. And, you will remember, I had only good things to say.”

- “I remember that”, agreed Bob. “Obviously, I asked you because the two of you have worked in the same company before, just like you do now! Weren’t you peers?”

- “Yes, we were”, I concurred, “but, tell me, does my answer to your question about if you can trust Adam bother you?”

- “Funnily enough, it doesn’t”, explained Bob, “I just wanted your opinion, that’s all. I had already made up my mind. Frankly, I am more than a little weary of Adam’s bad mouthing people for no apparent reason. Sounded like I could never be sure if he wouldn’t do that to me behind my back! What’s his problem, though?”

- “Insecurity. He bad mouths peers whom he considers threats, and he will bad mouth subordinates to shift responsibility when things don’t work out. He'd still make a great Sales guy. Just a lousy team player, that’s all.”

- “And a backstabber. You’re forgetting that.”, said Bob flatly.

- “I guess you are right…”, I mused…

* * * *

I thought back, eight years ago, to the time when I joined a Silicon Valley company, where Adam had already been ensconced for a goodly four years. From Day 1, Adam perceived me as a threat. He need not have. He knew the market, and even the technology. While, I was making a transition. From commercial software to silicon integrated circuit design. Tall order. But I had an EE degree, and I survived.

Some of the technology was simply a revision of what one had learned in college. The other stuff was completely new. I still remember the first marketing call I made to a very well know silicon foundry, along with Chuck, who, at that time, was the President of our company. At the end of the call Chuck wanted to know what I thought. “I am not really worried, Chuck, that I don’t know the answers…”, I remember saying, “what scares the crap out of me is that I don’t understand the questions!”. That is the backdrop before which I had to contend with Adam.

Adam went out of his way to discredit me behind my back. I got to know. I didn’t complain. Would have done no good. After all, wasn’t I the one who was the rookie? Didn’t Adam have the respect of the customers’ engineering teams?

I persevered. Hung on. For no other reason than I just did not have the ammunition to take Adam on head on.

Much water has flown under the bridge since then. We both moved up and sideways, and the year 2005 saw both of us working for the same semiconductor world-leader in San Jose.

I bore Adam no ill-will. Harbored no grudge. And, when Bob asked my opinion one day about a career impacting move for Adam, I honestly brought none of the old baggage into play.

Today, however, was different. I work with Bob everyday. Bob leads segment sales for those industries in North America, for which I am responsible for marketing, worldwide. Bob is family. Adam is not. I could not, in good conscience, answer Bob’s direct question with even a white lie. For, that lie could have cost him.

I feel bad about saying bad things about Adam. I don’t think I had a choice.

I tried. But, I realize, whether we will it or not, as one sows, so does one reap.

I pray that I am able to put this incident behind me.

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*Names have been changed to protect identities.

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